“What neurobiology has taught us is that every action we take depends on multiple unique subcapacities, and all it takes is for one of those subcapacities to be weak or broken, and our ability to function is compromised.”
I’m not about to give you a total free pass, but there’s something that makes it harder for us to accomplish tasks that seem easier for others. I’m taking about our brain. Now this doesn’t give us the right to do whatever we want and then just BLAME. OUR. BRAIN! It does mean that we have to be more sensitive to ourselves and others, when it comes to the way that our brain functions.
In a book with a fun title, F*ck Feelings by Michael Bennett, he lays this notion out with, “What neurobiology has taught us is that every action we take depends on multiple unique subcapacities, and all it takes is for one of those subcapacities to be weak or broken, and our ability to function is compromised.”
He uses the analogy of the alcoholic, who doesn’t want to drink, but some breakdown in his brain still offers this temptation. Even though, the alcoholic knows it’s a bad decision.
This connects to many others issues that I’ve witnessed through clients. One client was a type A, go getter, uber focused type, who could process a bunch of different decisions in mere moments. She was confounded, when I informed her that this was a skill that she had developed. She was sad when I told her others have disorders that cause this ability to be out of their reach.
She was sad, because she was always so hard on her husband for taking his time to make a decision. She figured he was just being lazy and didn’t realize that his brain was made differently than hers. She actually started to cry. Which was an emotion that she didn’t do often. It made her realize that she had been less than kind (and sometimes downright mean) to others. She never stopped to think that not everyone could do what she could do.
Now as I explained at the start, this isn’t an excuse to do whatever you want and simply state, “I couldn’t help it officer, it’s my brain.” It should make you stop and think about how your brain is wired and how it helps and harms your life.
Your view on life is simply your own and it’s made up of your brain, your upbringing, beliefs, experiences, and innate personality. You may think cheating is not okay and wonder how others don’t. It’s a function of all that you are. You may be disgusted by another person cheating and wonder how they could possibly do it. They may think the same thing. They think cheating is disgusting and yet, their brain persistently encourages them to do so. Relate it to your need to eat chips by the bag even though you know it’s wrong and then maybe you’ll be able to feel some empathy for them.
When I work with students a lot of them complain about how long it takes for them to study. They like to compare themselves to their friends who seem to not study at all. I explain to them that they don’t know how much their friends study or what grades they get. Even if their friends only need to study briefly, it doesn’t mean that it should be the same for them. Their brains are made the way that they are and therefore, that’s what they need to work with. First, it’s about determining how they learn best (visually, auditory, kinetically) and then studying to their strengths. The more they fight against themselves and try to be mainstream, the more failure that they have.
We are all born with a brain and then life happens to it. The decisions that we make, the accidents that occur, the environment that we’re exposed to all have an impact on it. There are good things and bad things, but in the end it’s your brain. You’re the one who has to figure out what’s working, what’s not, and how to live your best life with it. Some of it is your own doing and some of it is that, “…neurobiology has taught us is that every action we take depends on multiple unique subcapacities, and all it takes is for one of those subcapacities to be weak or broken, and our ability to function is compromised.”
